Parents and Mental Health  

In recent years, a great deal of work has been done both in Northern Ireland and more  globally to combat the stigma associated with mental health issues. We now know that  about one in five people will suffer a mental illness serious enough to require treatment  throughout their lives (Mental Health Foundation, 2016). The exact causes of various  

mental illnesses are highly complicated – they are a complex mix of genetics,  experiences in life and random chance. 

Certain factors can make mental ill health more or less likely, or can increase or  decrease the length of illness. One such factor is being a parent. Rates of clinical  depression can be as high as 35% in mothers with young children (Smith, 2004). Being  a parent is stressful, and when combined with other potential stresses like being a  single parent, poverty or physical illness the likelihood of causing a drop in mental  wellbeing, such as anxiety or depression is higher. 

Being a person with mental ill-health is extremely challenging. There is an enormous  stigma associated with being mentally unwell – despite concerted attempts to address  it. Research has suggested that people with mental illnesses are among the most  devalued of all people with disabilities (Lyons & Hayes, 1995). This is especially true of  parents with mental illness. There is a perception that parents with mental illness are  unfit or unable to parent their children (Bassett et al, 1999) in society. Such parents feel  that the healthcare and social services systems treat them poorly. 

Despite this, many people with mental illness have children. One study found that as  many as 60% of people with serious, chronic mental illness had a child under the age of  16 (Smith, 2004). For those parents, there are a number of specific challenges, such as  (from Bassett et al 1999): 

– Their existence as parents was often ignored. Poor link ups between adult  mental health and children’s services made it hard for treatment to acknowledge  their parenthood; 

– They feared losing custody of their children; 

– If they were hospitalised, they were often traumatised by this; 

– They are socially isolated; 

– They worried about the care of their child if they became ill; 

– They struggled to access help and support; 

– They faced stigma. 

If you are feeling overwhelmed as a parent, you may also worry about the impacts it will  have on your child. It is true that the children of parents with a mental health issue are a  risk group for the development of mental illness themselves (Weissman et al. 2009). An  element of this is genetic, mental ill health does have an aspect that cannot be  

controlled by parenting behaviours and in that way is not easily avoidable. However,  parents should not worry unduly – Rutter & Quinton (1994) found that a third of children 

of parents with chronic mental ill health showed no emotional or behavioural  disturbance, and a further third showed only passing problems. 

Furthermore, many studies have suggested that it is not depression, anxiousness or  other wellbeing issues that cause problems. Instead, it is the disruptions to normal,  authoritative parenting styles that can lead to poorer outcomes. This is supported by the  findings that the type of parental emotional health problem is not a strong predictor of  the type of problems that manifest themselves in children (Smith, 2004). Leinonen et al  (2003) suggested that parental mental health problems often led to a decrease in  difficulty for parents in monitoring boundaries, keeping consistent discipline and  remaining engaged with their children. These factors had a much more serious and  trackable impact on their child than the simple diagnosis of a mental health problem. 

What should I do about it?  

As previously mentioned, it is certainly not uncommon for parents to experience  difficulty coping. This may be very mild – a “blue day” – or very severe. It may be  chronic, occurring for a long period, or it might be passing. The first action parents  should take is to monitor their own mental health. If they find that they are unusually  irritable with their child’s actions, or demotivated to spend time or attention with them.  ‘Mind’, the mental health charity suggests the following steps for parents to help  improve mental health: 

– Do some physical activity. If you don’t feel up to something strenuous, try a short  walk; 

– Think about your diet – eating regularly and healthily can improve your feelings of  wellbeing; 

– Take some “you” time – even just 10 minutes when you can. 

More advice can be found on Mind’s website, here. 

Another key mitigating factor that can reduce the negative outcomes of mental ill-health  is by having a strong support network. Not every parent will have a support network  available, but if you can rely on a partner this can be very useful. Warm and supportive  interactions with a partner are associated with sensitive and supportive parenting in the  case of a parent with mental illness (Leinonen et al. 2003). If you don’t have a partner,  or you cannot rely upon them in this way, consider getting help from friends and family  members. It can be difficult to share your concerns with people, but remember that you  do not need to provide detailed information to someone. Simply explain what you feel is  absolutely necessary – and do not be afraid to ask for help when it is needed. 

It can also be good to talk to your child about the difficulty you are having, and what  type of extra support you get or might need. This must obviously be done in an age appropriate manner, but a simple conversation can help to prevent them feeling that  

their parent “doesn’t care” about them when they have a depressive episode, for  example. Some advice from the Pennsylvania Family Support Alliance can be used to  start a discussion with your child:

– Ask them why they think that mum/dad sometimes acts “different” or “strange”; – They might feel guilty or embarrassed by the situation. Explain that mental health problems can sometimes cause this, and that they don’t need to worry; 

– If they ask a question you cannot answer, like “when will you be better”, be honest,  but don’t scare them. If you can, work together to get an answer that satisfies them; – Encourage them to speak about any feelings they don’t feel comfortable talking to  you about with a trusted friend or family member; 

– Tell them that you love them, no matter how the mental illness affects you. More information about talking to children can be found here. 

In terms of getting support, it is always better to get help early. While it is never too late  to ask for help, the most effective support is given early. Parenting supports should be  accessed before negative outcomes are apparent in your child, if they can. These  supports will help to reduce the disruptions in the parent-child relationship, give you the  tools to respond when your mental wellbeing is lower and to prevent things from getting  worse. Do not hesitate to reach out to supports like Parenting NI, who can also help  signpost you to resources in your own community. Every parent needs help at some  point during their parenting journey, and no one should feel ashamed about accessing it  no matter the circumstances.