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There is no doubt the tough COVID-19 public health restrictions have meant that families have had to spend more time together. While these public health restrictions have been tough on many families, some families have found it beneficial and it has led to an improvement in parent-child relationships. However, parents were spending more time with their children than in the past before the COVID-19 pandemic as well.

Time spent with our children has had a strikingly great increase over the years a study from 2016 published in the Economist[1] has found. It has found that both parents spend an increased amount of time with their children between 1965 and 2012. Mothers on average spent 54 minutes per day providing care for their children in 1965, which increased to 104 minutes in 2012. Similarly, men although they spent less time providing care for their children compared to mothers, also spent an increasingly amount of time of 59 minutes on average per day providing care in 2012, compared to just 16 minutes in 1965. 

It is evident that in the past the time parents spent with their children has dramatically increased over the years. Because of the Covid-19 pandemic, many parents found themselves spending much more time at home during lockdown; many perhaps were working from home and conducting home schooling with their children, which led to a great increase in the amount of time parents spent with their children.

The University of Southampton has confirmed this recently in their research ‘Understanding Society Covid-19 study’[2].  It shows that the Covid-19 crisis has strengthened parent-child relationships and that nearly 20% of parents who reduced their hours at work to look after their children reported their relationships to be better and only 6% said their relationships became worse. Parents who spent more time home schooling their children also reported having a better relationship with their children than those who spent no extra time with their children. However, the study did find more parents with younger children reported on an improvement in their relationship, compared to parents with older children.

Lone parents appeared to suffer more during the Covid-19 lockdown. Lone parents particularly experienced a severe decline in earnings that may have resulted in stressors, which in turn may have affected their relationships with their children.

The Nuffield Foundation[3] has also found that on average parents spent nine hours of the day providing childcare and three hours completing paid work. This is less than half of pre-lockdown levels. Mothers are 47% more likely to multi-task both childcare and paid work, compared to 30% of fathers. Overall, despite mothers doing more childcare, a father’s time spend on childcare has almost doubled during lockdown. 

Since the Covid-19 pandemic many parents have been able to spend more quality time with their children. This experience allowed many parents better communicate, reconnect, support, create new memories and feel more secure in relationships with their children.  Moving into a post pandemic world it is still vitally important to continue this connection parents have built with their children, and perhaps for many parents who have experienced enhanced stressors throughout the lockdown, to focus on reconnecting with their children.

Below are some ideas to help ensure you and your children maintain and enhance positive relationships in a post pandemic world:

Connecting with nature

Heading outside, perhaps taking a walk in your local park or beach is a great way to connect with your children, as this gives you the perfect opportunity to spark conversation in a peaceful and calming environment away from our busy lives. When in a relaxing environment children may feel more comfortable to open up about their thoughts, feelings or any concerns they may have. This gives parents a great opportunity to be supportive and reassure children.

Practicing self-care

Taking the time out of you week to practice self-care with your children is a great way to form a connection. Perhaps, take an evening a week to relax and unwind together by watching a movie, eating your favorite treats, running a bubble bath for your child or reading a book together.

Cooking and baking

This maybe a fun way to spend some one on one time with your children away from all other distractions. Setting aside some time to cook your children’s favorite dinner with them or heading to the shops and collecting ingredients for some cakes may be an enjoyable way to spend time together. This time together will allow you to both be creative, have some fun, build your child’s self-esteem and enjoy one another’s company, as well as feel a sense of pride and achievement.

Physical activity

Completing exercise can be a great way to spend time with your children alongside benefiting our physical and mental health. Going swimming, going for a walk or a bike ride are great ways to form a common interest and spend regular time together. It allows you and your children to de-stress together, motivate one another and spend some quality time together. Being physically active can allow you to solely focus on bonding with your children as it eliminates factors outside world such as social media, work and school life.

Overall, there is no ‘prescriptive’ amount of time that a parent needs to spend with their children each day.  We understand that parents are juggling many other responsibilities and should therefore not feel guilty if they have not spent a certain amount of time with their child or young person.  Rather what we would encourage is to consider the time you do have and what you do , if at all possible ensure that quality time is invested in finding out about your child’s likes and dislikes, who their friends are and what their current interests are.  That enables parents to maintain a healthy interest in their child and means that time together can be spent doing things that you both enjoy.

[1] https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/2017/11/27/parents-now-spend-twice-as-much-time-with-their-children-as-50-years-ago

[2] https://www.understandingsociety.ac.uk/2020/07/05/parents-report-stronger-relationships-with-their-children-during-lockdown

[3] https://www.gov.scot/publications/report-covid-19-children-young-people-families-july-2020-evidence-summary/

About Parenting NI

Parenting NI is the lead voluntary organisation, which focuses on parents. The mission of the organisation is to provide a range of accessible services and support to meet the needs of those in a parenting role. We work with parents to improve outcomes for children and young people and to influence policy and practice on parenting. The work is based on the principle that by empowering and working with parents, outcomes for children are improved.

What is Loneliness?

Loneliness is a normal human emotion. Without the right support, however, it can often transition from a temporary problem into a chronic one.  Left unaddressed, loneliness can be very damaging to physical and mental health and lead to long-term difficulties in connecting with others. 

Loneliness is a ‘subjective and unwelcome feeling which results from a mismatch in the quality and quantity of social relationships we have and those we desire.’[1]

Loneliness is often linked to social isolation but it is not the same thing. Social isolation is objective, describing the quantity of social connections a person has, whereas loneliness is deeply personal and depends on the quality of relationships.  Factors that cause loneliness are often outside a person’s control and challenging to manage without support. This includes; psychological (sense of self, confidence), community (services, social activities, transport), and society (stigma, cultural norms, financial). Often multiple factors cause feelings of loneliness.

Research

Loneliness is a major public health issue. The risk to health is comparable to obesity, physical inactivity and air pollution, and it increases the risk of developing heart disease and depression among other issues.[2] Research has shown that loneliness increases the likelihood of mortality by 26%.[3]

In addition to the impact on people’s health and wellbeing, loneliness is detrimental to wider society, public health and the economy. It is estimated that severe loneliness has an overall monetary cost in the UK of at least £9,530 per person per year.[4]

Loneliness affects people of all ages and backgrounds. However, particular groups are more vulnerable to loneliness and certain life events such as divorce, moving home or the impact of a health condition can trigger loneliness at any stage in life.   

For example, NISRA research found that more than one quarter (25.3%) of people living in the most deprived areas reported being lonely ‘at least some of the time’ in comparison to 13.5% in the least deprived areas.^[5] Levels of loneliness are also higher among carers, disabled people, people with a learning disability, those suffering bereavement, the LGBTQ+ community and minority ethnic communities.

Becoming a parent is a big change and is a time when people are more vulnerable to loneliness[6]. 87% of parents feel they do not get enough support while 60% have said that social isolation or loneliness has caused them concern.[7]

Our calls

While valuable work is happening across Northern Ireland to support people impacted by loneliness, a step change in efforts is required to tackle this issue on a long-term basis.

Parenting NI, working with partner organisations in the Action Group for Loneliness, are campaigning for urgent development of a bespoke Loneliness Strategy for Northern Ireland.

Northern Ireland remains the only part of the UK that does not have a standalone Loneliness Strategy. A fully resourced, cross-departmental NI Loneliness Strategy led by The Executive Office would align the different work currently being undertaken and enshrine a cross sector framework of initiatives to address loneliness comprehensively.

Parenting NI believes a Loneliness Strategy for Northern Ireland should:

1. Support and develop infrastructure to tackle loneliness and increase social connections for parents

2.   Promote and support opportunities for peer support for parents

3.   Develop specific loneliness measures responsive to single parents, one parent families and parents that have children with additional needs

4.   Lead a public awareness campaign on loneliness

5.   Allocate sustainable funding to ensure services are provided for the long-term

Support available

Parenting NI encourage parents to use our Information and Support Line/web chat to speak to a Parent Support Officer who will provide a supportive listening ear and help guide parents to the services that may be most appropriate to them depending on their own unique circumstances.

Parenting NI have some resources online that provide advice and signposting for parents including an article about parent emotional health and wellbeing which can be accessed from here.

Further information including top tips and contact details can be found at www.parentingni.org.

[1] Perlman D and Peplau LA (1981) ‘Toward a Social Psychology of Loneliness’, in Gilmour R and Duck S (editors) (1981), Personal relationships. 3, Personal relationships in disorder, London: Academic Press, pp 31 to 56.

[2] Campaign to End Loneliness, Risk to Health, available at https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/threat-to-health/.

[3] Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T.B., Baker, M., Harris, T. and Stephenson, D., 2015. Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: a meta-analytic review. Perspectives on psychological science, 10(2), pp.227-237.

[4] Peytrignet, S et al (2020) ‘Loneliness monetisation report: Analysis for the Department for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport’

[5] Ibid, n.1.

[6] https://www.redcross.org.uk/-/media/documents/about-us/research-publications/health-and-social-care/co-op-trapped-in-a-bubble-report.pdf

[7] Big Parenting Survey 2021