The Importance of Grandparents

The role of a grandparent is special, with many grandparents finding they have more time to spend with their grandchildren than they had when raising their own children, and often more patience as they have been through it all before. While the relationship between a child and their parent is normally the closest the unique relationship between grandparents and grandchildren has been shown to be vital to the health and wellbeing of both generations. A study conducted by Oxford University found that when grandparents are more engaged with their grandchildren, those children have fewer emotional and behavioural issues.

Grandparents are often the storytellers carrying family history from one generation to the other. This is important to children’s sense of identity and belonging and children tend to be fascinated to hear how families have evolved and make a connection between a feature, talent or skill they have and that of a relative.

Many grandparents provide a place of safety and comfort to their grandchildren and a place where children can talk about the challenges of life and gain unwavering support. In fact, many teenagers find their grandparents shape their values, image of a positive relationship and provide guidance to help them on their journey to adulthood. While younger children find their grandparents provide stability and an element of fun, through outings and activities, that their own parents may not always have time to provide.

Families often look to grandparents to provide or help with childcare, and this gives an opportunity to spend regular time together and for strong relationships to develop between grandparents and their grandchildren.  If you do not see your grandchildren on a regular basis, plan for when you can get together, maybe on a weekly basis, and ensure you follow through on any arrangements you have made. When children are let down, and arrangements fall apart, children feel unimportant and find it hard to trust.

Unfortunately, this is not the case for all grandparents, and some find their contact with their grandchildren is limited due to parental separation, conflict in the family or distance between homes. The reassuring news is that there are lots of ways to maintain a relationship with a grandchild even if you cannot see them as often as you would like.

Technology has made it easier to build and maintain a relationship between grandparents and grandchildren. Platforms such as Facetime, Whatsapp and Zoom allow daily or weekly catch ups between family members and an insight into each other’s lives. Text messages and calls can also provide a way to communicate when it is not possible to see each other.

Following parental separation, contact can change with grandparents with some finding they are able to spend more time with their grandchildren and play a role in their upbringing, and others finding contact with their grandchild decreases or in some cases ceases completely. Grandchildren benefit from interaction and the support of their grandparents as they manoeuvre changes in the family following parental separation.

As life changes it is common for families to find themselves living further apart.  If you are a grandparent in this position, you will know how special it is when you can visit and spend time together and catch up in person rather than it being through technology or email/letters.

Whatever the circumstances do not underestimate the importance of the grandparent/grandchild relationship and work to build, strengthen and maintain the bond.

Staying in Touch with isolated relatives

During this trying time, almost every family is cut off from a loved relative. For many families, this distance can be reduced with technology. Smartphones, social media and e-mail are just some of the tools that can be used to keep us in touch with each other. This is not a universal solution, however. Many people – particularly those who are elderly and live in rural areas – do not have access to the technology that is taken for granted by many city-based and younger families.

In Fermanagh and Omagh district council, around 32% of households do not have access to superfast broadband. In Mid-Ulster around 24% do not have access. This means that if your relative lives in an area without sufficient internet speed, it would be very difficult to make use of technology to keep in touch. Before the pandemic, loneliness among older people was a serious issue – the Campaign to End Loneliness found that by 2025/26 two million over-50s will experience chronic loneliness. Loneliness has serious impacts on your mental and physical health, is as bad for your health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day!

The current crisis enhances the challenge presented by isolation and loneliness in three important ways for families. Firstly, relatives who were already experiencing loneliness are likely to have those feelings intensify. Previously, there may have been social, community or religious events that they could attend. With the current restrictions, those are unlikely to resume for some time. Secondly, people who previously were not isolated or lonely may suddenly feel this way. Grandparents who previously provided a great deal of childcare may be totally unable to see grandchildren for instance. Finally, children and young people may experience negative emotions associated with no longer being able to see grandparents or other relatives. Particularly for younger children who had very close relationships with older relatives, this presents an unpleasant challenge.

However, while normal routines and activities have been disrupted, there are strategies parents can employ to address this. The first is writing a letter. A physical letter is a great way to ensure that children and grandparents remain in touch. For the time being, the Royal Mail has committed to providing a robust service including the delivery of post (correct as for 30th March, 20203). So, while it may be slower and less interactive than a video chat, a hand-written letter is a safe, no-contact way of keeping in touch with isolated relatives. Children and grandparents can even co-ordinate activities to do at the same time and talk about over letter. For example, they can both arrange to watch a film or TV show and discuss it over the letter. Letters do not need to only be written text – have children make drawings, art or even poetry to send to grandparents.

Secondly, while video calls may not be possible, a normal voice call still is. Particularly if the isolated family member has a landline, a phone call is a great way for a child to stay in touch. During this time of crisis, routines are particularly important for children. Set up a time for a call, and do it regularly. This may be daily or weekly, depending on the circumstances. Similar to the letters, it might be useful to coordinate topics. If you have started gardening or a new hobby for example. Alternatively, it might be possible for a grandparent to read a story to a child over the phone.

Finally, children may enjoy working with their parents to determine what would be best included in drop-offs of supplies. Relatives that are isolated will likely need things delivered to them, and while children should not accompany parents unless it is necessary, they can be involved in coming up with things to send them. These might be treats, ingredients for favourite dishes or anything else they can come up with. This will have the dual purpose of helping the child to feel involved in the welfare of their relative, and reminding the relative of the love of the child.

It can remain extremely difficult to ensure that isolated relatives do not experience extra loneliness. It takes a concerted effort from a family to maintain contact. Nonetheless, parents should see this as an opportunity to help and support those who must need it. Their older relatives and their children will both feel the benefits of a maintained healthy relationship.

1 – https://www.ofcom.org.uk/research-and-data/multi-sector-research/infrastructure-research/connected-nations-2019/nations-supplements
2 – https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/the-facts-on-loneliness/
3 – https://www.royalmail.com/d8/coronavirus-changes-service